Apa kata Hati

Ha..kenapa tajuk aku mcm kat atas ni?..
Hati? ape kena mengena dgan hati lak kan..
ntahlah..sehari dua ni..rase tak tenteram hati aku ni...
sejak dari minggu lepas...

Jumaat malam, pas kerja...aku dpt panggilan telefon..akak aku soh balik kg malam tu jugak
aku tanya balik..kenapa bukan esok..
tapi pas ditazkirah oleh kakak aku..aku pun berangkat balik ke melaka dlm kul 9:30 malam... ari jumaat..
dlm hati..tak ingat apa dah..ingat kan anak buah yg terlantar kat hospital..takda pikir nak enjoy, nak gelak ketawa...hati pun gundah gulana jer..
so sampai melaka dlm kul 1130 malam.terus smpi rumah..ingat nak pegi melawat...tapi dah letih sgt..so tangguh kan esok pagi sabtu...

sabtu pagi..kami beramai2 pergi hospital..gembira?..ade ke orang gembira tatkala saudara sakit tenat?..Ada ke orang mereka-reka cerita, dalam hal-hal melibatkan nyawa dan kehidupan orang? orang lain mungkin..tapi tidak aku...pada aku..ape sekalipun..my family WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST...NO MATTER WHAT..

so..aku mmg tak ingat ape pun...ape aktiviti yg dah diplankan dari awal bulan mmg dah terdelete dgan sendirinya dari otak aku...
tibe-tibe..dpt sms dari someone..dlm pukul 4...baru aku teringat...Hari Sabtu aku diundang untuk menghadiri majlis hari lahir anak dia..
tapi seingat aku...Hari Khamis aku dah ckp besar kemungkinan aku tak dapat hadir..anak buah aku sakit kuat....tapi takpelah..mungkin die lupa.. so aku blas lah msg tp dia tak blas pun..
so aku assume die OK..then aku tak pikir ape dah....
dok berdoa je..agar anak buah aku kembali pulih dan sihat...dan ceria mcm selalu....
(NOW, SHE'S OK.. ALHAMDULILLAH)

Pagi pergi keja hari Isnin...aku baca dlm blog dia pasal "JANJI"..
terasakah aku?..Yes...I am..
why?..I didn't commit any sin towards her..but being in my shoes..you will feel how i feel..
It's very hard for me to accept someone that close to us.."award" me with "MUNAFIK" title..
She might not mean it to me..but hey..can you just ignore it as nothing happen??..tell me.

My goodness..I can't simply accept this baseless "award".. Its not only baseless.. its in inconsiderate.. It burden me all night long..
Munafikkah aku?...
Yes,..she has the right to mad, frust, angry,whatsoever..
but.. being a human.... we have our own reason....and myself has told her a day before which is on Thursday.... Can't it be accepted?.. No? Yes?..

this word "munafik" is burden me so deeply.. Yes..telling you the truth..I'm hurt
I feel like I was creating a thousand reasons not to show up...where I dont

Yes, you might ask.. what about if you are in her shoes..off course I'll mad, and frust, upset and so on..but for me..i wont give people that damn accusation. It's not just baseless.. Its just too much..

Should I give an evidence? alibi? or what?..
If you are in my shoes..what will you do? ..
Yes..I am emotional right now..and I don't want this thing reflect our relationship..our frenship..but..yeah..again..I'm just a Human...

To whom it may concern.. For God sake, what I've told you last week, and on Saturday itself..its all TRUE.
I did not create anything, Its all nothing but true..
What should I do to seek your forgiveness? Tell me.... I just want to clear up this thing..
Why am I writing this?...Because the Person started this thing is the person that is very special and very close to me..
I dun care if other people is not emotional as I am..furthermore..this is my blog..
i can write whatever I want..isnt it?..

p/s : If Allah tested us..He loves Us...Alhamdulillah..